If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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