Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
