TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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