if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
