I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
