it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
