this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
