i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
