Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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