Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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