Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
