I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
