i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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