I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
