Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
