There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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