So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
