My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
