Got a toothbrush?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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