i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
