I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
