please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
