You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
