You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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