Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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