Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
