take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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