i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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