Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
