I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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