I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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