this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
