I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am naked and annoyed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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