I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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