And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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