Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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