i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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