Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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