if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want a musical about memes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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