haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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