My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
