just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
