i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize