so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
