On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
