are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
