Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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