just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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