i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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