so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Terrible idea I love it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
