My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
