We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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