this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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