I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
