I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
