But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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