Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize