i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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