I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
