she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
love makes seman taste better
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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