He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
