Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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