would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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