how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
