Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
