There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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