My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
