Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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