Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
