Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
