all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize